who's the mommy around here anyway?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

You're so Vain

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, maybe too many. I like to comment on almost all of them and I've only once left a negative comment, and that only after a great deal of thought and only with a lot of heartfelt explanation.

The other day I was reading a blog that was recounting an extremely inane conversation between two women. What bothered me was not the subject matter, but the description the writer used for one of the conversation's participants. She named the participant 'Hi I'm 40 But I'm Wearing $300 Dollar Jeans.' Very descriptive, evocative, maybe, of a certain type of woman, funny maybe, offensive maybe. I took offense. I didn't leave a comment. I brought it here.

I'm not 40. I'm past 40. Way past. I don't wear $300 jeans. I'm more the "$30 on sale at Old Navy" jeans kind of woman. What did the author of the blog in question mean to convey with her label of 'Hi I'm 40 But I'm Wearing $300 Dollar Jeans'. Did she mean to say that women of a certain age have no business wearing a certain kind of clothing, that they have no right to the kind of vanity that would put them in designer jeans? Does she think that the only thing women over 40 have to spend our money on is our grandchildren. Chances are, at the age of 40, $300 jeans woman doesn't yet have any grandchildren (No, I'm not a grandma yet either, my oldest is only 19 and the only child she'd better be thinking of is child psych 101).

At what age does 'mystery blogger who shall not be named' suggest that it's appropriate for a woman to give up her vanity? 28? 35? We already know that she thinks 40 is over the hill! I celebrate 'Hi I'm 40 But I'm Wearing $300 Dollar Jeans.' I hope '$300 jeans' still has a short skirt or two in her closet to go with the spike heels I know she must have been wearing under her denims.

I'm going to overshare here. I threw my 36DD's into their first push up bra at the ripe old age of 51. That's right, 51! and I haven't looked back since. I'd just lost 70 lbs. and nobody was more suprised than me that I was suddenly in possession of a very nicely shaped shape. So I went out and got some new bras, and heavens, some thong undies because I'd heard that pantylines had become completely unacceptable. Now I'm a woman possessed. I possess a new and improved sense of self. If I had $300 to waste, I might spend them on a pair of useless designer jeans, just because I could, though I suspect my heart might stop and the earth swallow me up as I pulled the money out of my designer fake $18 pocketbook, or I might not. Either way, I hold my head high and proud. Others may judge harshly, but that doesn't mean they have the right nor does that mean that their opinions should be given any weight. Mystery blogger sounds fairly young, but she'll find when she's 40 that, surprise, she may still possess vanity. She may find that at the age of 60 she'll still care about how she presents herself to the world and take the time to dress with care. She might want to eat her words.

Me, I'm zipping up my size 6 jeans, hooking on my good push-up, throwing on a tight low-cut shirt and meeting my husband for dinner. I've got my make-up on, and damn, I look hot. I'm vain, I admit it. But that's OK. Mystery blogger can judge me for it if she wants, if it makes her feel better about who and what she is. My vanity is just one small facet of who I am, one very small facet. To all other 40 something and over women out there, it's OK for you too. If you want. You're allowed, entitled even.

I'm reminded of the lyrics to a song by one of my daughter's favorite bands, Fall Out Boy,

"Sugar we're going down swingin'..."

That's how I want to go out, defiant and on my own terms. If it be in designer duds, so much the better, and if anyone feels the need to stand there in prissy judgement, that then is their problem, not mine.


  • Molly, very good written post...
    $300 jeans will never make a woman confidant or sexy if it does not radiate from her inside...I have to give you credit for feeling confidante and "HOT"..and congratulations on losing the extra weight.
    clothes do not make the "woman" in my opinion, it is the woman's inner feelings that makes the clothes look great.

    By Blogger Summer, at 11:40 PM  

  • Man, you got back into size 6 jeans? I'm in awe. And the panty line problem around here is very bad. The thongs scare me, though, so I probably need to get some of those boy-cut undies. (I wonder, do they come in control top?)

    Great manifesto, btw - if I were you I'd leave a comment for mystery-blogger, though, just to say "thanks for inspiring my rant!" or something.

    By Blogger bubandpie, at 5:21 AM  

  • I bet you look damn good. I only wish I wore a size 6.

    I read the blog you are referring to. I though she was making fun of herself, but I could be wrong. Either way, I agree.

    By Anonymous Julie, at 11:29 AM  

  • Summer - It's always a pleasure to hear from you. You're so right, confidence comes from the inside.

    bubandpie - The current size 6 is the old size 10. The last time I was at this weight, 10-15 years ago, I wore a size 10. Go figure. Thongs are much more comfy than you'd think! And I'd never have thought of this as a manifesto, makes me feel like a Very Strong Woman, having a manifesto of my very own. I just might go back to the original web site and leave the comment you suggest. If I can get up the nerve.

    Julie - Thanks for stopping by. I don't think the blogger was talking about herself. I could be wrong too.

    By Blogger molly, at 2:51 PM  

  • Glad you got your confidence back!
    You could wear a one dollar pair of jeans and look great in them.
    You look like a million, with that hair and body plus that gorgeous face how could you miss.
    Always remember when I'm gone, I always had my makeup on.
    Just wish I had some of your brain power.
    Guess who!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:13 PM  

  • Bless your heart Molly---All I can say is, "Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think". Pardon the old song, but I have to tell you to go for the gusto while you can, because the next thing you know, you have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Oh, how I respect those 70 lost pounds!

    By Blogger Kacey, at 4:11 PM  

  • Great post Molly I tell you what I turned 50 and no one can guess my age when looking at me because I am a cocky B**CH and I enjoy life.

    I agree with what Summer says 100% because I worked in a corporate company where all of managemen was male until I came along.It was never the same after that :)

    I most likely would not have left a comment because most likely my comment would have been negative. BTW congratulations on losing your weight.

    You Rock On

    By Blogger Ms. Vickie, at 4:34 PM  

  • Fab post Molly. I am 41 and unlike you I have gained weight. But you know, I feel sexier than I ever did. I think there is a confidence and self assurance that only comes with time that shines from a more mature woman, casting a beautiful glow!

    By Anonymous oopseedaisee, at 5:38 PM  

  • Well said! I wish everyone could have your zest and confidence, regardless of age or shape. Life is what you make it and you're only as old as you feel. Maybe that's a cliche but it's also true. Good for you!

    Also, thank you for visiting my site and for leaving such a nice comment. I appreciate it!

    All the best,

    By Blogger Andrew, at 5:40 PM  

  • Hey Molly

    Funny thing is we sound a lot alike. Going down fighting is the best revenge and no...I don't own $300 jeans. However I do watch my 19-year-old daughter walk around in nearly $300 jeans and find myself wondering if my leg could fit through the waist let alone all the way down the leg.

    My motto has always been "The Thong Is God"!

    Stop by again soon. The post you saw was part of the Sunday Humor day. My only day of not blogging (except today, I'm feeling a little down in the dumps) I actually posted something and went back and deleted it...just didn't sit right in the gut.

    I'll be back.

    By Blogger jbwritergirl, at 5:48 PM  

  • Vain on this end, too. And proud of it. I worked hard to get into these little jeans and I think a thong just makes 'em look better. I make no apologies for it! Good for you!!!! We are of an age where we can look damn good and have the life experience to wear it well.

    By Blogger Sheepish Annie, at 6:25 PM  

  • Excellent Post !!!!

    First congrats on the weight loss.

    The clothes a person wears doesn't make the person.
    Funny, a couple of months a woman I know walked into the pub wearing a 1000-dollar outfit and she is on welfare.
    She got the clothes at phase2 a second hand clothing store for 80 dollars.
    Her clothes say a 40-year-old rich woman when in fact she couldn’t afford to buy a drink.
    It's your money and you can do what you want to with it so LA LA LA
    They should mind their own business.
    OH and as a 47-year-old male umm.... 52 about a B I think, we get seen like that also.
    What offends me is that you are expected to be a certain way at a certain age.
    Is there a pamphlet that I to have to read with the operating instruction for middle aged man?
    I say enjoy your life as you can until the end.
    BTW If you ever disagree with me in a post I expect you to tell me, besides if you post about it here I will only read it LOL!!!!!

    Have a nice day

    By Blogger Walker, at 6:38 PM  

  • Hi Molly, I'm sorry my post hit you the wrong way. I am over 40! My point was just that I (and it's my blog so my opinion) think that spending $300 on a pair of jeans is ridiculous and usually in L.A. reserved for people like Paris Hilton. Once in awhile you see someone who should have more sense wearing insanely expensive jeans and I find that type of person to usually be pretty surface as evidenced in the conversation. Now, $150 jeans? Different story! And congrats on getting into your size 6's!

    By Blogger Stefanie, at 8:34 AM  

  • Hi Stefani and welcome. You're absolutely right, your blog, your opinion, and the conversation between the two women was hilarious. It's not always easy to convey with the written word exactly what we're thinking, without the benefit of all the non-verbals that go into real-time conversations. I found your piece inspirational, although for reasons you didn't intend, and it caused me to speak about something that's actually been on my mind for some time. So I do owe you a "Thanks" and I give it earnestly and not in a small and mean-minded way. I'll be visiting you again, and I hope you come back here again soon.

    By Blogger molly, at 9:37 AM  

  • I'm 37 and my goal is to look better at 40 than I did at 30. I love your spunk Molly! And kudos to you for getting into a size 6!

    I'm glad you found inspiration on Stefani's blog. I will have to check her post out...sounds hilarious. And I'm more of an Old Navy/TJ Maxx on clearance, less than $20 jeans kind of gal. ;)

    By Anonymous Jamie, at 12:01 PM  

  • Hea, I don't want to scare you or anything, but I Google-searched the phrase "Hi I'm 40 but" and I found that blog you spoke of. It was the first two hits. The third hit was YOUR blog here!

    It's amazing the stuff you can find if you know how to use Google.

    By Blogger Big Dave T, at 2:58 PM  

  • Wait. Size SIX JEANS?

    And I liked you so much.


    By Blogger Karyn, at 1:12 PM  

  • By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:54 PM  

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