Ode de Dog

Calli

Sung to the tune of Bingo

I have a Bernese Mountain Dog
And Calli is her name-O
C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I,
and Calli is her name-O

When she walks me down the street
She pulls me off my feet-O
C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I,
She pulls me off my feet-O

All the neighbors point and stare
And keep their distance cause they're scared
C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I,
They keep their distance cause they're scared

At night she climbs into my bed
And tries to sleep on top of my head
C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I,
She tries to sleep on top of my head

A tiny lap dog she tries to be
But at 70 pounds she squishes me
C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I, C-A-L-L-I,
At 70 pounds she squishes me

Unless you have a pet, it's tough to understand how crazy people can get about their animals, like my neighbor who has a carseat for her toy Coton de Tulear. The dog cruises the neighborhood in the frontseat of the woman's Mercedes, while her husband sits in back. Now, I understand this. The last time my hairy, and eternally shedding dog climbed into my bed and tried to sleep on my head, I shoved her into the middle of the bed, where she flopped on top of my husband. He left and went into another room, and I spent the rest of the night with the dog. Which was OK with me, because the dog doesn't snore, plus she snuggles really well.

Callie doesn't fuss over what you give her to eat. She's been known to consume cement chunks, and spent one whole summer snacking on a dead squirrel that nobody could bring themselves to dispose of. Everytime she passed by the dead squirrel, she'd drag me over to it, delicately retrieve a tiny bone to nibble, and keep on walking. Ewww, but I wasn't about to fight with her about it. I wasn't strong enough to drag her away from it. It's all I can do to keep her from dragging me off my feet when we walk together, something she used to do with regularity, till we spent $500 to have her trained. That's the kind of thing crazy pet owners will do.

There's no particular point to this, except that I love my dog. My mom asked me what it was with me and the animals. I grew up in a house without any pets, but in my own home I have two cats and a dog, at least until we had to have one of the cats put to sleep. I don't really know what to tell my mom, but for me, in order for my house to be a home it needs certain things: it needs a flight of stairs (I always lived in an apartment till I had my own house, so stairs were necessary. Now that I've had them for 20 years, I know better.), children, and animals. The more the better. Bring on the shedding, the noise and the chaos. Bring on the love.