Laura Goes to the Doctor

I had to take Laura to see a cardiologist today. Your 15 year old daughter's name and the word cardiologist should never be uttered together in the same sentence, but she's been complaining of chest pain and so we sent a note to school temporarily canceling her gym classes and swim team participation and a doctor's appointment was made.

Laura has complained of occasional short, sharp, random chest pains in the past and our pediatrician, after performing an EKG, assured us it was musculoskeletal, and we all went our merry ways. However, now the pains are occurring every day, more than once a day, and Laura herself is getting nervous. I know she's nervous because she asks me, "... but it's OK, right?" In Laura-speak, this is the equivalent of screaming out loud, "I'M SCARED, HELP ME, HELP ME!!!!" You have to know your child, right? I assured her that it was probably nothing and that we'd take her as soon as possible to have it checked out. I behaved very non-chalantly and as soon as she left the room I went into the bathroom, locked the door, and threw up.

I can pretty much handle anything, blood, guts, bodily functions of all types and sizes, there's no end to the amazing and unusual things I've seen in 28 years as a practicing RN, and after having seen or cleaned, well, many of them and then gone and had my lunch like it was nothing, you'd think I could handle this with some semblance of calm, cool collectedness, but you'd be way wrong! The thought that my baby girl might be ill sends me over the edge, puts me in a tail spin and makes me sick to my stomach.

I adore Lizzie, but there's something more protective about the love I have for my youngest child, even though of my two children, I think Laura is the tougher. One of my favorite authors, Barbara Kingsolver, says this in The Poisonwood Bible, that '....a mother will save her children from the bottom up.' I think she's right. I see my youngest from now until forever as more helpless and more innocent and more needy, though in reality she is strong and smart and capable. I told her just the other day, as we were walking through a parking lot and I reflexively grabbed her by the shirt when a car passed close by, that when I was 96 and she was 60, I was still going to be grabbing her by the shirt when a car passed too close, reminding her to be careful, telling her to zip her coat in the cold. No matter how old and infirm I get, I imagine that the last thing to go won't be my hearing, as I was taught in nursing school, the last thing to go will be my urge to protect my youngest child.

P.S. Laura was given a clean bill of health. On the way out of the doctor's office she told me that I didn't have to be nervous anymore and I replied that it was indeed a relief. I told her the same and in typical teenage fashion she denied any anxiety, it was only parental over-protectiveness that had brought us here, and how glad she was that this silliness was behind her so now she could participate in this afternoon's swim meet. We're all back to normal now.