Menopausal Momma

Did I mention that I'm in menopause? My gyne told me that you're into menopause when you have gone a full year without your period. I'm just a few months past that point and I don't mind telling you that not having your period isn't half bad!

I wrote my very own little menopause song, bear with me here as I clear my throat, ahem, ahem: (Mom, you might want to stop reading here and skip the song!)

The Menopause Song

(sung to the tune of No More Pencils, No More Books, No More Teachers, etc, etc...)

No more tampons, no more pads
No more unplanned baby scares

Oh more personal lube, oh more hairy skin
Oh more whiskers on my chinny, chin, chin

Now there's hot flashes, now there's night sweats
Now with my husband there's unprotected sex, sex, sex

I'm kind of stuck there. Really it's not so bad. Menopause I mean, not the song. I'm really liking the whole no period thing, 'cause I used to get mine at the worst possible times. Special plans - got my period. Going on vacation - got my period. Visiting my parents in Florida - always got my period, even if I'd just had it and wasn't due to get it for another three weeks. Never really understood that one

Seriously, menopause, is like the ultimate female wake-up call. It makes me aware that I'm at the irrevocable end of a certain phase of mommyhood. I am no longer fertile. Babies are in my past and not in my future. If I have another maternal yearning, I'll just have to be satisfied with getting a puppy. (I realize that there's adoption and foster parenting, but at this point I don't think I would consider them, for multiple reasons.)

Also with menopause comes a certain awareness. I'm aware, as never before, of the fragility of life, of the passing of it, that the way I've come is a way I will never go again. I no longer feel invulnerable or immortal. I've read about time's arrow. Time goes in one direction only and marches from the past straight on into the future. Time doesn't go in reverse and you can't get it back.

How to explain this next part? I'm ready for my own future. Not the one that involves my family, but the one that belongs solely to me, with children and husband as adjuncts. I know, what a wretched, selfish woman I am. Even as I write this I'm sitting next to Laura, helping her import songs onto her iPod, watching her play on her gameboy, and my heart overflows with love for her. Three more years and she'll be leaving for college and I'll regret that we didn't have more time together, to cuddle, to giggle, to share. I'll be ready to eat these words. Don't get me wrong, my children are the greatest sustained passion of my life. But just for right now, I have a yearning to fly, and solo. While I still can. Forgive me. It must be the hormones.