who's the mommy around here anyway?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Out, damned spot!

In the grocery store the magazines on display at the checkout aisles should be kept out of view of small children. Brand new tiny readers can see the headlines on the latest issue of Cosmopolitan entitiled, "95 Sex Tricks To Drive Him Crazy," which they then practice their phoenetic skills on, to the embarassment of moms who are then forced to stand there and try to redirect their attention to Golden Books with Big Bird on the cover.

I was standing at the checkout with a cart full of groceries patienty waiting my turn. My 3 year old, Laura, was in the seat of the cart. Her sister, Lizzie, 7, was wandering the aisles as I called her to come over to me. She was meandering from checkout to checkout, looking at the magazines. I thought she was safe. Suddenly I hear her, 4 aisles down, call to me. "Mommy?" she called, with a question in her voice.

"Yes, honey?" I responded, clueless.

"Mommy," she called, loud now, looking at the magazine rack in front of her, "what's a G-spot?"

I paused, mouth open, speechless. I looked around to notice that my daughter had the attention of every person at every checkout in the entire store, including the cashiers, who had stopped cashiering.

"Honey, why don't you come over here and mommy will tell you."

She was no fool. She looked at me. She knew she had me in one of those, I've got mommy just where I want her moments, and she was going to make the most of it. She started to dance. She started to sing, a made-up off-key melody, at the top of her voice, "Mommy what's a G-spot, Mommy what's a G-spot, ..." and on and on and on.

I looked down at my sweet little Laura, sitting in the grocery cart. I looked into her innocent brown eyes as she opened her mouth to mimic her sister, "Momma what's a G-spot, Momma what's....." you get the picture.

I thought the whole store was going to break into song, like a bad Broadway musical! I put a fake smile on my face and strode past the staring customers, pulled Lizzie to me, walked her to my cart and stuffed a donut in her mouth. Silence at last!

Years later, the girls and I were in the car and I told them this story. Lizzie was now 18 and Laura 14. They were hysterical with laughter. The laughter died down slowly and in the silence that followed, I heard Laura ask, "Mommy, what's a G-spot?”

9 Comments:

  • At our Fred Meyer store, they now have "Family Friendly" checkstands where there are no suggestive magazines...good idea!

    By Anonymous baseballmom, at 11:58 PM  

  • I didn't know Laura copied me. Oh yea, I'm a leader. You have to admit, my childhood may have been a disaster, but you came out of it with a buncy of stories you can look back on and laugh at. I know it, I'm funny! Lol. PS, mom... WHATS A G-SPOT?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:44 AM  

  • your posts are so hilarious!
    looks like you really had a great time raising your kids up.
    years from now, i wish to look back on all of these with the same fondness (and sense of humor) that you have now.
    thanks for dropping by my blog the last time. i'm over the ring thing now. i'm actually excited to buy our new rings :)
    you know what...i don't even know what a g-spot is...and to think i'm already married and with a child...just to show you how conservative the Philippines can get...Lol

    By Blogger mommy, at 2:46 AM  

  • HAHAHA! OMG, this was great!

    When my now 8 year old was 4, we were in the "feminine" aisle at a very busy Wal-mart and he came running down the aisle towards me, with a mega pack of kotex yelling, "Here momma!!! I got your special diapers for you!!" I wanted to crawl in a hole, and not come out.

    By Anonymous Heather, at 6:54 PM  

  • That's hilarious. My daughter gets really embarrassed by those magazines, and knows how to use Google. So, therefore, I have had to institute a policy that all ten year olds in the household CANNOT Google the names of things on magazine covers. We had to go into her computer the other day (bad video card) and I had to ask -- "is there stuff I'm not going to like on your computer?" She said, "No. I tried looking for a description of something once, and I got a *picture.* I don't do that anymore, 'cause you never know what's going to pop up." How right she is!

    By Blogger KLee, at 4:38 AM  

  • This made me laugh aloud.

    By Blogger jo(e), at 3:24 PM  

  • Thanks to all of you for visiting. While it's funny in retrospect, at the time, I wanted to crawl under a rock. It's only with time that you get the perspective to appreciate the value of experiences like these. Kids are great, aren't they?

    By Blogger molly, at 5:39 PM  

  • I think your next post should be how you finally explained it to her.
    You don't hear much about G-spots anymore. I knew where mine was in the 1980s, but have since lost it.

    By Blogger mean old mommy, at 5:37 PM  

  • Wasn't it funny that your mother didn't know what a G spot was and had to look it up, but thanks for sending me the explaination.
    You are such a wonderful mother and as always am very proud of you.
    I love seeing my wonderful granddaughters being able to talk to you about everything.
    We made a wonderful mother for them.
    Youe writing is wonderful keep it up.

    By Anonymous Cheryl, at 10:57 AM  

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